I made a long way till today ,
but unexpected things always happen on me
i lost faith in doing things now ,
i wanted to prove my ability not in the sense to show others how well i have done
but to prove that all this while , my desicion wasnt wrong ,
i can use my own ability to make things right
although everyone disagree
but it didnt bothered me ,
and everyone looked down on me of being capable to managed my life
maybe in the sense i was avoiding somehow
but all along i just wanted to prove that my desicion was right
but just that i have my own ways of doing things
no one could exactly understand my situation cause none was standing in my shoe
i'm falling apart soon ,
i'm getting really fragile
ever since , i been experiencing lots of stuff
in some ways its may be good but on the other hand it isnt at all
experienced lots of failure , yet i'm still struggling
nothing seems to go right for me
had dinner with keith today (:
cause he's going into NS in 9days time
all this while ,he's been really nice to me
even sis are jealous over it now , haha
cause yestersday he came to my place to play manjong with sis
yet he called me to ask whether i want to get any food instead of my sis
but my sis went to pick up his call and when he realised that was my sis
he hang up the phone and called my sis to ask her what she want to eat
haha , he's always so dumb as in doing silly things
i felt really blessed , thanks keith


Everytime when i throw my temper on you ,
i felt really bad after awhile but never once i get to apologised :(
when you are hospitalised i didnt spent alot of time accompanying you
yet when i was hospitalised you are there every moment to keep me accompanied
i know you always wish someone were by your side to keep you accompanied yet i wasnt there to do so
no matter how tired you are , you never fail to buy me food cause i know you are afraid that i'll go hungry and you will even try to hoax me at times when i didnt want to eat
yet at that time , i didnt know i was blessed with your motherly love
i regretted now for not doing so many things i promise to do
i'm really alright guys , i'm not the only one experiencing their loved ones death
there's out there more people who are maybe having the worst situation than me
(:

i'm missing her badly
i'm starting to feel her lost ,
i have no mood to do anything
7days of wake are over
been really busy with the wake ,
i saw lots of relatives came , aunties's aunt , uncles's aunt , friends , distance-relative , cousins
they are all here ,
i have a great time catching up with most of them
this as well shows me how much actually my aunties and uncles felt for my mom
maybe in the past , they are too busy with their work
we seldom chat or meet up even new year
but now , everyone seems to be closer
i began to know my uncles and aunties again
in fact , they are really nice to my mom
in everyones heart , mom's the cute lil auntie ,
who's always caring for others , never self centered
i never thought they would actually be there ,
and for the past few days
i guess we wouldnt be able to manage this whole wake without their help
as well as my dearest cousins , they are there everyday to help (:
i really appreciate alot !
i know they have not been sleeping well last few nights
but they never fail to be absent a day
family love ^^
i flipped back to the old photos
i even saw mom's photo with me still in her stomach
she was really pretty , elegant during her 20's although she still now
dad as well , he was a dashing young guy !
even my sister said , she would fall in love with dad if she was in dad's age
haha
and been playing with grace,
finally she recognised me , but with specs only
lol , it took me long for her to recognise me
and allow to carry her again and again
she even bring herself to me (:
thats really cute of her ,
last day of wake ,
i didnt sleep at all
had to prepare early in the morning
had to walk my mom's coffin out
its really hard,
two buses soon head off to mandai crematorium
its really new and nicely decorated
dad's wasnt there , cause he wasnt allowed
we watch mum's coffin into the furnace to burn it
leave for ju shi lin to do the prayers ,
and went back home to catch a nap

but not long we are being called up to leave for her collection
of the ashes , and off to changi jetty
and took a boat out to the middle to the sea to throw her ashes
i really hope she rest in peace

its another new experience
my life is just full of ups and downs

it aches me when i think of her passing away alone
struggling there with no one there to help her
life's so fragile
everything back to normal
i'm going to start experience days without her

P.S be strong , faith (:

i'm just like hanging on a rope ,
just struggling on it , telling myself i'm not gonna fall
although knowning this rope would just break anytime and i would just slip
a dream thats seem so real , wonder when will i wake up
its just too sudden for us to accept everything
the very first day of the wake ,
i believe we are the weirdest family
cause all of us were still with the smile when everyone came in with their greatest condolences
i felt weird most of the time
we are still laughing in the wake , nothing seems wrong
saw lots of relatives , lots of greetings , catch up with my cousin ,
but not a single tear shed down for this few days
even the ritual seems redundant to me
i know i have not accept her death
and my mind is avoiding thinking her lost
i hope this go on , i know its gonna be really bad knowning the reality
but when times pass , the days without her presence get rawer & rawer
i know thats the worst time ,
sleeping in the night without her , i'm already feeling uneasy
i couldnt sense her sleeping next door
waking up without her , i feel really weird
but just trying to avoid it
i really appreciate those who came to give her the last respect
thats really nice of you guys (:
thanks


P.S I Miss Her

Everything seems so wrong right now
my emotion is playing on me as well as the damn internet !
why cant these make me feel abit better
yet its making it so so worst
oh my god , i need a break

i heard , saw and watched how people grief over their loved ones
never thought that day would come
everything seems so unreal
went urban skating , trying to figure out an answer
but somehow i told myself to be strong
and i hold my tears successfully (:
open my pictures folder trying to find a picture of you yet i cant find it
i know its inside , why cant i find it
the last time i saw you was five days back
we all know its not right ,but we stil let you go
i didnt even said bye to you before you left
i thought you gonna be alright , i really thought you gonna be back
i know something was wrong when you are not back when you are suppose to
but we told ourself you must be enjoying yourself there
i was praying hard that you will be back today
and was worried about it whole afternoon
when i called dad , and the answer was still the same
but finally when dad called , i thought you are back
but sad to hear you are in coma
never thought hours later , found out you have actually left us long
you didnt even saw us before you go and you left us without any words
i haven did what i'm suppose to do as a child
you dote me the most, you gave me the best you could
and you are the only mom that would stay up late waiting for her child to be back
to accompany her cause you know she's scared
you are the best mum i ever wanted and had
i promise to bring you & dad to china when you retiree
i promise to let you live in luxury
but now you didnt let me have a chance to do it
how am i suppose to live without you
no one gonna accompany when i'm scared at home
no one gonna dote me more than you do
no one gonna care for me ,love me as much as you
i felt helpless
i never saw dad tear before , and this time unfortunately
it hurt me more , i dont even know how to console him


thanks for bringing me up all these years
shower me with all the love
thanks god , for giving her this grace time to spent with us
but we didnt treasure it
i know i should be strong , and i believe i can
i would minimize my tears (:
Mom , i would make you proud of me one day
i wont waste your effort of bringing me up

Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?(Was it something I did?)
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
AgainI need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again


P.S Mom i love you
the three words i never said to you

oh my god
this few days been nice ,
as in the people around me !
you guys are really sweet
for the songs , and ya for everything (:
been really touched
& i cant stand gerald sweet talks
haha , it just make my day
wonder how my life would be without his motivation and encouragement
awaiting for this christmas
i have to thanks those who send me songs ya (:
had a belated birthday surprise few days back !
haha , thanks to melisa , and all those who helped out
everyone started standing and singing ,
I didnt know what was going on at first
cause i was busy doing my work ,
till i saw the cake and melisa walking over
i was so surprise
haha , and its really coincidence
i was about to buy this top from topshop
and it just so happen she brought it
so she's been pestering me which is the one i wanted to buy
cause i just happen to told her i was on my way to get
but it so happen it was close !
lol
thanks girl
4th cake ^^
haven been sleeping well lately
been having bad dreams
been studying at airport this few days
yesterday had lunch with keith
and he told me he's going Army like really soon
oh god , and who gonna exercise with me & play board games with us or manjong ?!
mum's away alone , and everyone is worried

we thought she's crazy and but couldnt stop her
but thought about it , sis went travel alone as well
and i have thought of doing it
maybe thats why we are her daughter
lol , but i'm worried that anything would happen to her

wish nothing goes wrong
i'm going berserk soon !
i cant put my mind at ease ~


please bless everything goes on well

Happy Belated Birthday (:
thanks for all the wishes ,
Thanks Candice !
for all the preparations & efforts you made
thanks Samantha & Everyone who came
i'm really touched
all these years , i been the one planning for others birthday as well as myself
and i'm used to planning myself & now finally someone is planning for me
i felt so uneasy
haha ,
but still , i really enjoy my day
but everything ended so fast
thanks you guys for making my wish come true ,
especially candice & keith & jerry
sorry to make you guys spend a fortune
i finally got a Iphone 3g (:
oh my god !
haha
Credit to Keith !
and a tiffany & co bracelet
Credit to Jerry & Candice
and of course all those present from you guys thanks !
i love them all
Nikki was really sweet as well , made a birthday card out of cloths
was surprise to see her there , cause she told me she went bintan !
lol , haha , but actually in fact i have forgotten for that second i saw her till i recall
i know something was wrong when everyone started calling me and stuff
cause both of them called me , qirui & boonchew
and the ridiculous qirui told me he forgotten my birthday
lol , soon aftr qirui called , boon chew called
and said he's at his place studying ?!
haha , but thanks guys !
i love you guys so much

i brought my tiffany&co bracelet for engraving
okay , its really hard to part with her

sometimes i dont understand why am i feeling that way :(
Pictures gonna be up once i received from my dear friends

Ballet Class full !

oh god , probably joining the jazz technique instead
and join the ballet after that
okay , i regretted for not going to register earlier
i thought was still early and ya now its full
okay , blame myself
i have only weeks left for the last battle
and i'm still not well prepared ,
(:

Am i suppose to be understanding or mad
but i found it really absurd about the attitude

i'm disappointed to see you not even bothered

Family Day (:
i love family day . cause i dont have it often
both my cousins , uncles & aunties are busy with their stuff
so we dont make it a point to meet once every week
only new year , we got to see each other for the entire whole week or two weeks
its my mum godson wedding today (:
so my aunties and uncles and cousin are there as well
although not all of them but yea at least a few of them
we have a great time during our meal ,
cause at least we did interact with each other
and had a bbq in east coast
was a small celebration for the September babies
although didnt have much things to do there
but had a great time there ,
I'm waiting for the next meetup !
Mid Autumn ? or probably christmas
I would want to celebrate with my familes this time round
i'm into 命中注定我愛你
its really nice , out of boredom went to watch
cause everyone was saying its pretty nice
and ya it was !
okay now, i got to manage my time well
yestersday went to suntan with sister (:
embraced by the warmth of the sun
feel so great sleeping under the sun !
want to make full use of my islander card
so i have to go there frequent

P.S I wish for more families day

just had a drink at villa bali (;
white wine
Me & candice have to finish the whole bottle
today onwards , i seriously hate white wine
and in an hour time we got to finish the entire bottle cause when we reach they are closing
anyway today was my very bad day
i almost sprain my ankle for a few times
got scald by cirgarette
rain when i got tweetysix !
oh my god
it was seriously bad :(
okay , i should be used of it
its often happening to me
work airbase today again
and was really pathetic didnt had my dinner !
was so hungry yet have to bare with my hunger and wait till work end
cause they didnt left any food for us
oh my god , i'm so into the amara one bedroom villa!
even with your own personal plunge pool, jacuzzi , small garden (:
oh my god , my dream place !
haha , okay my very next year birthday^^

its coming really soon ? 6days
and ya i have no idea how would it be like , and its happening too fast
everything , this year , every year seems to past faster and faster
i hope i didnt miss anything (:


been wondering whats love
scarificing for the one , doing anything ,
even how bad he treat you ,
i really wonder how the few around me did it
when they say all the things how their boyfriend ill treat them
its really absurd , and i really wonder how did she went about it
its love , giving them the power to forgive and love him even more
but i wonder when did i felt that way
probably once or not even once ?
and i'm already tired of this whole relationship thingy
its getting so complicated , making people suffered and hurt after all
i lost trust in it now , no more fairytale its just the realistic world
hearing its enough to make me feel really disappointed about love
and helping my friend out of it , its even harder
why should i step into it first when i know i would suffer after all
and having myself or friends to suffer with me to get me out of it
crying every night , drinking all day , all the means to get yourself forget
when you can be happier if you didnt choose that path
that short happiness would just bring about a long torture to you
i dont think i can take it really well and i dont want to make myself feel so bad everyday
friends and family are enough , their love are eternity
they never leave you and always there for you
i have waken up from all the fairytales world (:

awwww , sweet lil cutie !

9 days to my birthday (:

i tried my best ,
but i'm still not confident
two down !
went to my sister boyfriend place yestersday
and played with buddy ,
he's so cute & recently i met a maltese
and its just so cute alright , i would definitely get a dog when i have a place myself
and he could accompany me day & night
been really lost at words nowadays
i'm bad at expressing myself

lets talk about my birthday wishes ^^
1. I wish for a Camera , Canon IXUS 860i
its hard without a camera , missing the presence of my camera
didnt treasure it when its with me
2. I wish for a Ipod , touch ? or classic ?
its hard without my ipodvideo too , cause it just broke down
i'm really bad in luck , both my gadgets are lost or died
3. I wish that i could learnt my ballet successfully
4. I wish i could travel by the end of this year w Candice
5. I wish that i could learn Japanese
6 I wish that i could learn golf and tennis
7. I wish i scored well
8. I wish everything go smoothly
9. ( Blank )
For the wish that i forget currently
10. DKNY / CK watch
11. Fujifilm Mini polariod
12. Tiffany&Co Bracelet
13. Chanel Sunglass
14. IPhone 3G
15. Everything i wished for !

actually its crap up there , i would be really glad that you guys actually did spend effort to buy a gift for me
even its a small one , its the thoughts that counts
even if none of them came true , i wont be really upset
(:


loves